Saturday, April 18, 2009

Multiply and Replenish

We faithfully follow God’s word about multiplying and replenishing the earth. We Filipinos are busy making babies (and busy at praying too, of course). We produce 3 babies a minute or 1.8 million babies yearly in the Philippines. If you haven't had at least 4 to 7 kids yourself, you're just not going to make it to Heaven with God. Sorry, but God needs more Filipinos to love, worship, and adore him, given that his ego (and insecurity) is unstable, nay, insatiable. Never mind that under this plan, after a few more years, there won't be any room left on our land for Filipinos to be standing on. We can just stand on each other’s shoulders. This is fine and dandy. We can still make babies standing up -- in the missionary position, of course.

It's a good thing, too, about all that food that God provides us to eat. We'll need it. Eventually, though when we run out of rice, fish, pork, and beef, we can always eat the unbelievers like the pocholos and other heretics who just won't believe the myths no matter how much they're coerced or tortured or expelled out of high school. Those little bits of Christ's body and blood they serve in church on Sunday will just be a cannibalistic hors d'oeuvre. The main course will be atheist poch kabob--cooked on a spit, or perhaps slow roasted secular humanist or freethinker. Our Christian brothers during the Dark Age in Europe already perfected the technology of burning people at the stake. Doing it for a meal will take on an even deeper religious significance as a wholesome and nutritious family values bonding experience for Pinoys and Pinays and their legitimate as well as illegitimate sons and daughters. Poch Suzara

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